my mouth tastes like poor choices
this beer tastes like vomit already
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
