Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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