this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
