Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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