Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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