he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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