I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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