I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
