Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
