one word: firstdatebathroomanal
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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