Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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