i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
