be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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