I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
