i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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