margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
