I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
