no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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