Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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