He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Found your dick twin last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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