Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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