four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
