Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
