he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
