i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
