Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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