Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
