You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
