when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize