i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
barbara walters just said penis...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
the raccoons are back...
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