wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
