Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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