she looked like the bat from fern gully.
4 words: hood of his car
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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