this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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