is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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