so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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