you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize