i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
