We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
