No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
