Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
