This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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