it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize