2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
