no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
