My underwear smells like fireworks.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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