If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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