well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize