she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
