He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
