dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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