Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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