I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
