batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
