Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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