i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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