Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the night ended with taco bell and tears
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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