Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
