I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize