Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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