so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
