Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
