it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
