ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
