I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
