Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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