get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
