Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
