After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
