Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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