i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
